GOP Memos from One Year in the Future

By DuncanRhys C. Liancourt

––That Save the Whale group is getting on my last nerve.

There’s a Democrat running in Texas? Who screwed up the gerrymandering?

Those people in Holland, Bangladesh, and those Indonesian islands that think they are a country should have moved away from the coasts.

Polar bears are so much funnier in zoos anyway.

Kentucky looks better flat, more like Iowa.

How did we not see that mutual defense treaty between Russia and Iran coming?

Isn’t the third preppy handbook out yet? I need presents for my nieces and nephews and I want to make sure they look to the past for their style so they don’t look hip or liberal-y.

Totally psyched! Been praying about it and finally got rid of the anti-monopolies, interstate trade law thingy so Murdoch can buy NPR, Comedy Central, and MSNBC. God rocks! And he hates John Stewart.

Bummed there are still public schools, but at least the bible is now the main textbook for science, math, social studies, and english. Good thing it’s not in some foreign language.

Now that the southern border fence is complete we can start on the one around San Francisco. Make sure Pelosi is inside when the last piece goes up.

Make sure my secretary put aside of Harry Potter books for my grandkids before this months book burning on the national mall.

Which of candidate Palin’s family oriented, uplifting reality shows do you like better: “Slaying with the Stars”, “Are You More American Than Barak Hussein Obama”, or “UnAmerican Idolater Survivor”?

Will Newt’s fourth divorce matter to voters, and do you think his 4th wife’s tell-all works as a graphic novel?

Man, that Sam Alito brings in the cash at our fundraisers. And he said he’d bring Scalia and Thomas to the next one. Hey, is Roberts having Thanksgiving at your place again? Tell him I got him into that club and that his wife’s new car is on the ship.

What’s on at the BP Dome this weekend?

Did your kids enjoy the new desertification slide on the BP of the Seas cruise?

Who knew we’d be glad later to have lost on DADT? Once it got repealed it was hardly any work at all to pass NOQUIM––NO Queers In The Military.

If we’re going to hold our convention in Greenland someone better make sure BP suites has fixed the air conditioning––I’m way to fat to get that overheated again.

4 Responses to “GOP Memos from One Year in the Future”
  1. So close to true…that I almost cannot laugh. Lucy M

  2. Clare Keller says:

    no comments–just some wry laughter as I forward it to a few people

  3. Laura says:

    Bummed there are still public schools, but at least the bible is now the main textbook for science, math, social studies, and english.

    —-Good thing it’s not in some foreign language—

    LOL — the best by far!

  4. Daphne says:

    brilliant ! but rather scary too.

%d bloggers like this: