Never Released Prequels of Famous Films, Part 2: Harry Potter and the Ensorcelled Pacifier

By DuncanRhys C. Liancourt

––Harry Potter and the Ensorcelled Pacifier plot summary: Frustrated and angry at being left behind to care for her demanding, noisy, and rather undersized infant while her husband––who isn’t half her match at savage and lethal curses––is out fighting Death Eaters, Lily Potter aims her wand at her husband James’ favorite chair and in a stentorian voice says liquefacere! Where the chair stood there is now an avocado and puce colored puddle slowly shrinking as it seeps into the carpet. Lily begins to feel remorse, but her spell has awakened the child whose crying is already rising to a crescendo of migraine inducing screams that, unless Lily stops it, will shortly have the neighbors’ owls shitting on all of her non-liquefied furniture. The child––she must get used to calling it by its name so James will stop giving her those funny and worried looks––Harry likes to be held but if she holds him now he’ll insist on nursing; he’s ferocious with his bony gums and neither her nipples nor her nerves can take much more right now. She has tried every style of pacifier but Harry spits them all out and cries even louder and longer after each one. What to do? Lily aims her wand at the latest rejected pacifier, a green one covered with tiny yellow Gryffindor logos, where it lay under an end table and says, “firmus silere.” The tacky Gryffindor pacifier rises and floats toward the baby in the next room. Just when it is about to float gently enough into Harry’s mouth he swats it so that it hits him on the forehead before bouncing high into the air, where it hovers for a fraction of a second before diving like a peregrine and, forcing its way past Harry’s protesting lips, lodges itself firmly and irremovably into his mewling maw. To Lily the silence is bliss. She figures it’s the perfect time to take a long, hot soak, but decides to first check the baby’s forehead where it was struck by the ensorcelled pacifier. Lily is surprised to see that the pacifier has left a mark. Oddly, the mark is shaped a bit like a lightening bolt. Lily considers getting the first aid kit, but decides that a mark made by a pacifier can’t possibly be permanent and goes to run her bath.


One Response to “Never Released Prequels of Famous Films, Part 2: Harry Potter and the Ensorcelled Pacifier”
  1. Laura says:

    Ha! I love this! Something to be thankful for today for those of us who don’t watch football 🙂

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