Santa cancels Christmas over WishyLeaks

By DuncanRhys C. Liancourt

––The Pope’s OK of condoms for male prostitutes has his North Pole workshop in overtime on their three top Wish List brands: Kringle’s Skinz–feel that unprotected tingle, in safety, with Kringle; Stocking Stuffers–stuff your gift in our stocking before you get jolly with Holly; and Polex–with Polex brand your pole will point north without your health going south.

GOP Rep. Peter King wants to prosecute the NY Times equally with Julian Assange of WikiLeaks. Using his logic, if he were to prosecute the Grinch for stealing Christmas he’d have to prosecute Cindy Lou Who too.

Julian Assange granted bail: quick, somebody check Peter King’s blood pressure.

Julian Assange granted bail, with conditions: 1– Share skin care secrets with John Boehner; 2– Appear in Vatican commercial about the evils of condoms; 3– guest star on “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” in a reindeer suit (she says it’s for a holiday card photo shoot).

In Sweden, raising one eyebrow at a time is considered intent to commit a possibly unwelcome flirtation.

Swedish prosecutors may appeal Assange bail: don’t they have an earmuff dispute to attend to?

London court will release Assange as soon as he tells them what wedding dress Kate Middleton will wear.

Assange threatens to out closeted Arab leaders with WikiSheiks.

Woman killed by shark in Egyptian waters: Egypt suspects an Israeli SharkiLeak.

British government accuses Julian Assange of WikiCheek.

Iran’s Ahmadinejad furious over WikiLeaks: he thought it was about his premature ejaculation problem after his translator titled it DickiLeaks.

Iranian President Ahmadinejad says the US orchestrated WikiLeaks to grab attention from his own upcoming NukeyLeaks.

Iranian President Ahmadinejad says WikiLeaks sounds dirty, so Iranians, under penalty of stoning, must call it “American plot #1087.”

Iranian president Ahmadinejad says the American Government orchestrated the fall of the Roman Empire to pave way for the British Empire and then itself. Julian Assange suggests that Ahmadinejad suffers from a WitsiLeak.

When a person sputters and grows dim, suspect a WickiLeak in their “candle.”

Comments
2 Responses to “Santa cancels Christmas over WishyLeaks”
  1. May you never grow “dim,” and thanks for such great posts this 2010.

    Lucy

  2. laura says:

    I love you! Thanks for making my day.

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