Every Time a Politician Cries a Demon Gets His Horns

By DuncanRhys C. Liancourt

––Some say John Boehner’s repeated weeping humanizes him, but the tears must not be even skin deep since he still looks like Star Trek’s Lieutenant Commander Data.

John Boehner cries for the children––straight ones with rich parents.

To be fair, John Boehner’s tears really were tears of love: power is an aphrodisiac and he loves it. It’s rumored he bought it diamonds for Christmas.

John Boehner is afraid to visit the children because he’s heard they bully those who are different, like orange people and weepers.

Crisis in Congress: severe tissue shortage after John Boehner hears about Julian Assange making bail.

John Boehner felt secure enough to weep twice on 60 Minutes after he learned of Florida pardoning Jim Morrison for indecency.

News that one cigarette can kill has caused John Boehner to forgo serving even one day as Speaker for a part on “The Walking Dead.”

Boehner said he was crying for the children, but really he had just heard that Michael Steele would run again for RNC Chair.

Michael Steele running again for RNC Chair proves how shallow is the GOP talent pool. Maybe John Boehner can refill it with his tears.

Michael Steele is running? What, did Sarah Palin finish off the Caribou?

Michael Steele is running again for GOP Chair because TLC turned down his reality show idea for “Steele-ing America. They had already passed on his game show idea, “Steele Trap,” in which contestants hit him with facts while the audience bets on how few he understands or remembers.

In Rush Limbaugh’s defense, the only reason he keeps harping on Obama’s birth certificate and is complaining about WikiLeaks dithering around with secret nukes, corruption, and blah blah blah is that he wants an Obama baby footprint on his Christmas card.

Ron Paul wants to get rid of the Fed and put us back on the gold standard; didn’t Glenn Beck already put us on the fool’s gold standard?

Sarah Palin, happening to overhear someone reading a news story about scientists’ discovery of a new arsenic-based life form, asked an aid to find out which caliber rifle she should use to hunt it.

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