Rabble Runners Part II: The Remedy

By DuncanRhys C. Liancourt

––When last we met, dear kindred spirit, we wondered what could be done about certain individuals who voluntarily squander their unsightly excesses of energy upon the running of joint-destroying marathons and other imprudent races.  The answer is simple: we must harness their plebeian and profitless zeal to the betterment of society. We shall accomplish this by matching each wayward factory of pointless perspiration with a citizen less prone to pyrotechnical and extravagant exertion. To this end, allow me to introduce:


No Chore is a Hassle with a Runner as your Vassal

Need your gutters cleaned? Don’t risk your neck; let Runner Retainer send a drudge to your call and beck.

Need an errand done? Our runner lackeys find it fun!

Don’t be a fool; let a runner clean your pool.

If the price of gas is making your commute to work a big expense, let a runner carry you––they think it makes sense.

Did your gardener quit without laying the turf? Go to RunnerRetainer.com and order a serf.

Do you have a pooch that needs to play endless ball? Stay in your robe and let a runner be your thrall.


So there you have it, the remedy to rabble runners. Don’t get dirty, break a sweat, miss your favorite reality show, or degrade yourself being seen at manual labor. Visit RunnerRetainer.com now, click on match-my-minion and you’ll soon be as indolent and condescending as Oscar Wilde. Remember, “work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do” so, retain a runner at RunnerRetainer.com and begin living the life of leisure and lethargy to which you have always been convinced you are entitled.

One Response to “Rabble Runners Part II: The Remedy”
  1. Clare Keller says:

    You left out the snow removal crew–and I don’t mean those rabble who run the plows that refill our painfully cleared parking space fifteen minutes later!

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