This Newfangled Fortnight

By DuncanRhys C. Liancourt

––The first two weeks of this new year have passed like––well, they’ve passed haven’t they. Back on New Year’s Day, toward the goal of self-improvement, I decided to review all my 2010 mistakes. I got back only as far as November 8th before a state of denial so engirding took over that I now cannot identify even a single minor misstep and have started an exploratory committee to run for the Senate in Delaware.

And going forward, making resolutions? It’s too disheartening to contemplate setting goals and failing to achieve them. But I have a solution: I’ve made Sarah Palin my role model so that I have only to complete half of anything thing to consider myself a success at it and an expert on it.

Of course even with such debased standards I may screw up. In that case I’ll emulate George Bush and write my own revisionist memoir called “Decision Punts.”

Finally, reflecting on an entire year of one’s less than stellar choices, while simultaneously making all but dead-on-arrival plans for an entire new year and feigning optimism about them is shooting for the moon; it’s too much pressure. Instead of waiting for New year’s Eve and New Year’s day let’s have a New Month’s Eve and a New Month’s day every month. With less at stake we may accomplish more, and if we don’t, well we won’t have time to dwell ourselves into depression with another month’s worth of top-ten and bottom-ten lists to prepare. We’d have to find someone to kiss at midnight 12 times rather than the parsimonious one, which could be a blessing or a curse, but at least we’d have the next day off to either revel or wallow.

So, you have any plans yet for January 31st?

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