By DuncanRhys C. Liancourt

––With the Egyptian people roaming the streets protesting people wondered at Hosni Mubarak’s long silence, but it’s clear that he stayed silent so long because he’s only ever addressed a captive audience.

And in stocks, Egypt just went public.

The big mistake in Mubarak’s speech was when he called the country Mubarakistan; apparently he remains under the impression that events in Tunisia were a SNL skit.

Still, he did say he would give the people a new government, which is good. But he may have undermined his believability by turning to the side and whispering in a raspy high-pitched voice “We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They want to steal it from us. Sneaky little Egyptses. Wicked, tricksy, false!”

Mubarak may have known he was overheard, because he swore to get a new Cabinet; for his sake it had better be the vanishing cabinet from Harry Potter.

In the mean time Egyptian officials try to calm the mood by calling the 3rd day of huge protests a “Day of Rage” seemingly hoping people will treat it like Bring-your-pet-to-work Day and go back to normal once it’s over.

I wonder whom they’ll partner with Gamal Mubarak on Dancing with the Stars. Or has Donald Trump already invited Gamal on the new season of “the Apprentice”?

Knowing that Gamal would be flush with offers, Sarah Palin saved her advice for the father. She told Mubarak to quit and she would help him pitch “Hosni’s Egypt” to The Learning Channel.

The American entertainment industry is not alone in wanting to help Egypt’s leaders. Wishing to seem less insular, and to weigh in on Tunisia and Egypt, the Tea Party warns that instability may spread to Africa.

Failed Nevada Senate candidate Sharon Angle offered a simple solution to the chaos around the Great Pyramids and the Sphinx––the casino manager should just close early. Not one to be left out, fellow loser Christine O’Donnell posited that events in Tunisia and Egypt may cause other dictators to reconsider the value of term limits.

The last several days have been like an intervention of the US addiction to foreign dictators; we can only hope it sticks. Perhaps revisiting Percy Bysshe Shelley’s “Ozymandias” can help:

I met a traveller from an antique land,

Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;

And on the pedestal, these words appear:

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

One Response to “Hosnimandias”
  1. louisa says:

    You’ve outdone yourself.

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