Georgia’s Peachiness for Women in Doubt

By DuncanRhys C. Liancourt

––First reported on February 3rd by and followed up on by a variety of organizations: Georgia state legislator Bobby Franklin wants to change the legal term for victims of rape, stalking, and domestic violence to ‘accuser.’ Victims of burglary, assault, and fraud would remain ‘victims.’


The following, observed by our trepid but serviceable correspondent, demonstrates the kind of ticklish situation that even mere talk of changes to law such as this can bring about.

A woman in obvious distress makes her way to the front desk of a Marietta Georgia police station. She manages to get the words “I’ve been raped” past her bruising and tooth-cut lips before the officer’s attention is drawn by a man who has crashed through the doors, stomped up to the desk, and yelled “I’ve been defrauded!”

The woman, though frightened by the man’s harshness, finds her voice again to say that the rapist is her stalker and that he may have followed her.

“Ma’am, please be quiet a moment and wait your turn, ” the officer replies, “while I find out what sort of fraud this poor man has suffered.”

“I have been defrauded!” the man shrieked, soaking the desk and the woman’s torn sleeve with spittle. “At Fryer Clucks’ drive through I ordered the Triple Tur-Duck-In burger on the deep-fried bacon bun, the Forty Days & Nights of Fries with cheesy-mayo, and the Sheriff of Nottingham soda! I paid for that Sheriff of Nottingham soda! What I got was a Little John, which is hardly more than a regular large at Pork-n-Poultry!”

“Ma’am,” said the officer, not unkindly, “actual victims of real crimes must come first. You’re welcome to wait––there’s a bench in the hall––but you seem a bit tired so feel free to go home and come back another time.”


There are many great songs about the great state of Georgia, but perhaps this story reminds you of the opening lines from that classic “Goobers for Gonads:”

We are the men of the Georgia GOP,

We’ve got Goobers where our Testicles should be.


One Response to “Georgia’s Peachiness for Women in Doubt”
  1. And this is one reason why I left Georgia…

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