Pack your Kevlar: Utah is for State Gun Lovers

By DuncanRhys C. Liancourt

 

––Utah, which flag includes its state flower the Sego Lily––a symbol of peace––has designated a semiautomatic pistol, the Browning M1911, as its state gun, making the beehive state the first state to symbolize itself with any kind of killing device. Is this an effort to confound future symbologists who must, as they look upon bloom and weapon, wonder if Utah had been populated by a race of unpredictable Jekyll-Hydes apt at any moment to desert their swarms of industrious honeybees to produce instead hails of death-dealing bullets? But perhaps all will be well if they now select a state antidepressant.

In the meantime Utah’s neighbor states might want to take precautions. Colorado, home of the Air Force Academy, should have a State Fighter Jet. Idaho and Wyoming could designate a State Tank and Missile Launcher respectively. Nevada already has an unofficial muse of 2nd amendment solutions so all it need do is name Sharron Angle State Violence Rhetorician. Finally, Arizona has already been busy with taxpayer time and money trying to name a state gun but its efforts have stalled since the Gabrielle Giffords shooting. This delay, understandably unexpected by Arizona since it doesn’t admit to any correlation between instruments of maiming/killing and maiming/killing, may serve the state well by giving it time to gain what it really wants: a State Death Star.

Even states that do not border Utah may seize upon this idea of adding new state symbols. Utah, after all, despite representation by at least 23 state symbols including a fossil (allosaurus), two vegetables (regular and historic), and a cooking pot (Dutch-oven), felt it needed a destructive, negative, and harmful symbol perhaps to balance out its many productive, positive, and helpful symbols: no one wants to seem a goody two-shoes. Put your money on Kentucky being the next state to designate a new symbol and know that whichever model Rand Paul gets behind will be a State Toilet that can handle big loads.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: