Michael Fassbender Filmography by Hotness

10  Sgt. Burton ‘Pat’ Christenson in TV mini-series “Band of Brothers:” points off

for the hair cut and names (Burton, Pat), but how can a soldier in his band of

brothers not be at least a little hot? Score: Fassbendy

9  Jack Silver on TV’s “Manhunt:” now there’s a proper name, Jack Silver, and what’s

not to find hot about a manhunt? Score: Fassbending in the right direction.

See for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lk5RVK6b9k

8  Lt. Harry Colebourn in “A Bear Named Winnie:” heart-speeding to the ursine

crowd no doubt, but this is a hotness Fassbacktrack. Score: Fassblocked.

7  Charles Allen in “Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Silk Stocking:” man-handled

by Rupert Everett while remaining manly, albeit creepy, in bow-tie and tails.

Score: Fassbent. “Call it what you like,” Rupert: http://mfonline.multiply.com/video/item/49

6  Stelios in “300:” the leather speedo, the spear, the cape, the bloodlust, oh my, and

he calls one sire––“We are with you, sire! For Sparta, for freedom, to the

death!” Score: Fass-‘Boing!’

5  Bobby Sands in “Hunger:” hotness is not physical only, but spiritual as well, and

this challenging role of the last six weeks of the life of the brave Irish hunger

striker shows what it means to be a man. Score: Fassbeautiful.

4  Centurion Quintus Dias in “Centurion:” he is the prey, people, hands tied, bare-

chested, being chased through the woods, but he is smarter than the average

Roman. I feel my Pictish blood surging. Suddenly I’m craving Roman.


Score: Fassbloodybrilliant

3  Burke in “Jonah Hex:” pleasure, perversity, tattoos, that grin. I never saw the film

but the interviews should be x-rated for the way Mr. Fassbender talks about

the role. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrdKezLv0D4

Score: Fassbaddass

2  Rochester in “Jane Eyre:” he’s the lord of the manor and a force of nature with

dark secrets, a brooding fierceness, and an insatiable desire for love. The

sideburns only work at certain angles but riding boots and snugly fitted

pants and vests keep the gaze where it needs to be. Even with eyes closed

the stern but hopeful voice carries one out onto the heath where the strong,

lightly-callused hands…well, you get the point, ahem. Score: Fassbemine.

1 Erik Lehnsherr / Magneto in “X-Men: First Class:” I’m mutating just from writing

this. Also, I’m cursing fate that I am not James McAvoy. Excuse me, it’s time

for my raw steak. You see, I’m trying to increase the iron in my blood.

Score: Forever Fassbendered.

3 Responses to “Michael Fassbender Filmography by Hotness”
  1. Laura says:

    I love how you don’t just watch movies, Dunc — you watch them expertly 🙂

  2. Lolita, I knew I would hear from “Inglorious Basterds” fans (this is one of only three gaps in my Fassbenderology) and I’m glad it is you. You have treated his hotness in this role to such Fassfection that I will not even need to include it in a part 2.

  3. Ahhhh… but what about him as Lt. Archie Hicox in Tarantino’s “Inglorious Basterds”? I remember drooling over “that MAN!” who played Stelios in “300”, but with the overt preponderance of rock-hard abs and powerful thighs and male beauty filling the movie screen, I just enjoyed basking in the hotness of the whole thing without searching out anyone in particular to day-dream about. But I simply *had* to pause my DVD player during Tarantino’s Nazi-revenge fantasy to IMDB more about the tall drink of water playing the British spy infiltrating Nazi Germany to take down the Third Reich – he stopped my wee little heart right in my chest. Now that’s a man in uniform! (A uniform I’d be happy to help him out of… ) My score: Fassfreakingtastic!

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