Bosoms, and Boobies, and Breasts! Oh, My!

First, let me assure you that I like women’s breasts at least as much as the next gay man. About half of my friends have breasts, and I’m always happy to give an opinion on how well they are supported, dressed (I prefer them dressed), and accessorized. I have received more than a few thank-yous––and one gift certificate to get my nipple pierced (as to whether or not it expired unused, if you are not on familiar terms with my nipples, apply your imagination)––for referring friends to a bra-fitting expert. The meat of my complaint here is not breasts but their use as a marketing tool on me.

Every night, along with some wonderful real people, a couple or several busty women, well-endowed headless female torsos, or mere button-bursting bosoms add me to their Twitter feeds. I get it, this is capitalism: people and companies need to sell things. As I said, these mammarific miniatures do not offend me, but I am rather put off by two things. The first off-putting thing is the assumption that all males on Twitter are subject to the charms of a pair of hooters. This is 21st century social media, spammers, and you cannot plead ignorance of the fairer portion of the male sex. The second, and most frustrating, off-putting thing is the inconsiderate impersonal nature of the mammavatars. I mean, if unsolicited visions of sugar plums must swim before my eyes is it too much to expect that they actually be more like plums than melons? But this is a tale of “be careful what you wish for,” in Tweets:






















Thanks to Adam ‘Cat-Nip’ Green for an inspiring conversation, and for agreeing––as I see it––to be the recipient of my share of Boobies-based marketing communiqué.

2 Responses to “Bosoms, and Boobies, and Breasts! Oh, My!”
  1. I think, Laura, it’s just jealous of those gorgeous Ta-tas of yours.

  2. Laura says:

    I think your blog censored me because I wrote “b++bies” in my post.

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