I Am the Very Model of a Milit’ry Misogynist

{From ThinkProgress.org: ALLEN WEST REFUSES TO APOLOGIZE, BLAMES MILITARY BACKGROUND FOR HIS INSULTING REMARKS | Facing a barrage of criticism, Rep. Allen West (R-FL) remains defiant and says he won’t apologize to DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-FL) for a disparaging email in which he called her “vile, unprofessional, and despicable” and “not a lady.” On Fox Business Network this morning, West said an apology is “not happening,” and then tried to blame his poor etiquette on the military. West, a veteran who was discharged from the Army for abusing an Iraqi, said “there are certain ways we talk in the military. I guess I haven’t learned the DC-insider talk.”}

I am the very model of a milit’ry misogynist,

I’m deeply anti-feminist and quite the manly chauvinist,

For this I blame the army, as for all my flights hysterical,

From Muslim hate to anti-gay, my fears are pathological;

If you don’t act a lady I’ll use figures scatological,

I’ll tally up your failings, both the bogus and fantastical,

About donation whoring I’m counting on the right-wing news—

To misreport the facts about you as the world’s most vile chanteuse.

I only respect women in the state of the homunculus,

For once they’re born and grown they have opinions, how ridiculous!

I’m keenly anti-feminist and quite the manly chauvinist,

I am the very model of a milit’ry misogynist.

The army taught me manly speech “I haven’t learned the DC talk,”

And no I won’t apologize but curse you with the bloody pox,

I called her vile, despicable, a coward, but I didn’t cuss,

And if she’d shut the heck up as I bid then there would be no fuss.

I’m sure she reads too much and she must think that she’s Lysistrata,

But science has long known of women’s habits of hysteria,

Recall that Eve’s to blame for all of mankind’s sinful tragedy,

And you will love my goal of keeping women where they ought to be.

A lady talking politics spouts Babylonic cuneiform,

We know she’s most attractive in a maid or bunny uniform;

Let’s all be anti-feminist and also manly chauvinist,

Like me the very model of a milit’ry misogynist.

I’ve said Islam’s “a very vile and very vicious enemy,”

And that the Muslim Minnesotan isn’t how he ought to be,

I fired a man for tweeting against homophobic bigotry,

A homicidal screed that brought the comic to apology,

But then abuse with gunnery is all part of my history,

Like when I left the army for assaulting Mr. Hamoodi:

In short, as I’m a suzerain of prejudicial strategy,

To laud me for misogyny would not be merely flattery.

For knowledge economic I rely upon the tea party,

For human rights I seek some vague and atavistic century;

In matters anti-feminist and oh so manly chauvinist,

I am the very model of a milit’ry misogynist.

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