Eau de Pope

From The Telegraph 3-14-12: Perfume created for Pope Benedict XVI. After Sarah Jessica Parker, Eva Mendez, and Katy Perry comes the Pope––a signature eau de cologne has been created for the leader of the world’s 1.2 billion Catholics. Unlike celebrity perfumes adorned with pictures of breathless Hollywood starlets, this one will not be available to … Continue reading

Apps That Help You Avoid Shit

If you want to skip the “bad parts of town” without taxing your street smarts Microsoft will soon have the app for you. What has been dubbed their ‘Avoid Ghetto’ GPS App will mine local violent crime statistics to keep you from even glimpsing an undesirable corner or person, or the other people or businesses … Continue reading

Downton Abbeyvention

“An intervention?” I said to my denim-clad friends as they stood facing me in a semi-circle between my apartment door and me. “Whatever for? The strongest drink I touch is sherry and I never take more than one of an evening.  Oh do sit down, all of you; this standing about in the entry is … Continue reading

The Twelve Wars of Christmas

On the first war of Christmas, the right wing promised me… A future fully tax-free.   On the second war of Christmas, the right wing promised me… 2 all white clubs And a future fully tax-free.   On the third war of Christmas, the right wing promised me… 3 judges’ heads 2 all white clubs … Continue reading

Special Effects Christmas Wrapping

Wrap your gift in a trained octopus. The military has these mischievous mollusks doing all kind of crazy shit so there must be a few special-ops dropouts available on-line. To get that special holiday glimmer look for blue-ringed octopi––when they’re agitated their maculae pulsate, which sounds pretty. Oh, and bonus––they are the third most venomous … Continue reading

Jeeves, Alfred, Benson… : The Evolution of the Personal Valet

“Siri, what time is it?” The time is 10:51 am. Do you ask because your mortality weighs heavily? “No, I…does my wha…how… I’m sorry, I can’t help you when you do not speak coherently. Perhaps you are experiencing a cardiac event. Shall I call emergency services? “No. Just set a reminder.” OK. Just tell me … Continue reading

A Man Is His Castle: Jewelry For Every Knight

By DuncanRhys C. Liancourt “Fashion is architecture. It is a matter of proportions.” 
Coco Chanel   No building is complete simply because the stone, metal, or wood clothing that hides its private parts––its structure, supports, plumbing, and wiring––has been stuck on. It needs details, functional and ornamental: cornices, a tile border to demarcate floors, the … Continue reading

Bourbon-Peach-Barbecue Chicken, Baby

Sometimes I think to myself, “Hmm, it’s been too long since I’ve had the bourbon out.” Wait, that’s not me, that’s some sad, priority and taste challenged individual I imagined. While I admit that I cannot give every distillation in my wee collection of scotches, bourbons, and ryes equal attention, I endeavor to be a … Continue reading

Project Gunway: Republican Presidential Candidates Walk the Bloody Carpet

Good evening and welcome, Adam’s non-evolved sons and daughters, to “Bloody Carpet 2012”, Project Gunway’s first presidential candidate fashion show and fundraiser. Before we start, I want to assure you that no tax dollars are being spent to bring you this blessed event. Our tent, security, all the refreshments, and even our runway’s one-of-a-kind bloody … Continue reading

The Unexpected Guest

Six of us, guests of the friend hosting the dinner party, were playfully jostling for seats at the table when our jovial cacophony was hushed by a rapping at the door.  The door was located such that when our host opened it all could see the, as it were, rapper. She said she was named … Continue reading